


A Place of Pain

by shadowolfhunter



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Loss, Love, M/M, New Hope, Past Pain, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 06:52:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3318095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowolfhunter/pseuds/shadowolfhunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sean Renard had a painful past, Nick Burkhardt knew that. Sean trusts Nick with a very painful, personal secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Place of Pain

Sometimes he just felt weary with all of it, the constant battle to hold position, to stay alive, to keep ahead of the pack endlessly snapping at his heels. In that brief moment of his death, Sean Renard’s mind had reached something he didn’t believe existed. Peace.

He shrugged, irritated with himself. It was February, the month he always dreaded, and he didn’t have to look down at the calendar to see the date.

Perhaps it was the short hours of daylight, as much as that event, now so long ago.

Absently he twisted the gold ring on his finger, touched it, caressed it. Both his human side, and his zauberbiest wanted to howl out his pain, but he suppressed this need. He was still in the station. Fairly certain he was alone, but decades of survival, he couldn’t take that chance.

::grimm::

Unobserved, Nick Burkhardt watched his Captain.

Neither the Grimm in Nick, nor the human detective side knew truly what to make of Captain Sean Renard. The man had risked his life to save Nick’s Grimm, had fought to save Portland from evil and other danger, had even helped save Nick’s best friend, Monroe, from death. He was brave and smart, and had a plan for Portland where all could live in peace, yet he could be sly, and vicious and possessed an agenda that only Renard knew.

He had arranged for Nick’s aunt to die.

Nick watched his Captain twist the gold wedding band around his finger, for the first time seeing the human side to Sean Renard without the perfect professional mask, a look of loss and pain so deep that it shook Nick’s soul to see it.

Not for the first time, Nick wondered about that ring, what it meant. According to biography details that Nick had seen, Captain Sean Renard was single and had never married. Until now, Nick had never seen him look at the ring, or touch it in any way.

Renard was not given to extremes of expressed emotion. Everything was held tight within himself, yet Nick could see him with his guard down.

Perhaps on any other night, Nick would have filed this all away for his own private store of knowledge, picked up his jacket and headed home without giving it a second thought.

Something in the defeated, exhausted look on the Captain’s face changed his mind.

He picked up his jacket, and headed for Sean’s office.  
He knocked.

::grimm::

Sean Renard jumped, in as much as Nick had ever seen his calm, collected and always in control Captain jump. He certainly flinched.

For the first time, Nick found himself wondering about the Captain’s past, the sorrow he had seen, the things that made Sean Renard the man he was.

“Sir, sorry to disturb you.” The perfect professional mask was back in place, and Nick rushed what he was going to say before he lost his nerve, “it’s late, and I wondered if you would like a drink.”

He held his breath, fully expecting Renard to refuse.

Something flashed in the green eyes then, something that intrigued Nick, a look that was both relief and pure pain, and the Captain nodded. “Yes, I’d like that..”

::grimm::

How they ended at Sean Renard’s beautiful and slightly too perfect apartment Nick wasn’t sure, but something was guiding him. A deep sense that Renard needed him that night, for what Nick didn’t know, didn’t really care.

He needed answers.

Renard, the perfect host, poured them drinks. Bourbon. Nick sat on Sean’s elegant, expensive couch and swirled his glass a little. The bourbon was smooth, velvety, Pappy Van Winkle and he savoured the taste.

Renard was standing by the huge windows, “salut,” he said, raising his glass to Nick, who mirrored the gesture.

“Sir…” he began,

“Nick, I think you can call me Sean.” There it was in his tone again, Nick looked up, but the Captain had turned away, gazing out of the window.

“Sean.”

“His name was David.” Renard’s voice was scratchy, Nick didn’t need to see his face to feel the pain. “We were nineteen, so… in love… and then he was gone.”

Renard turned back towards Nick, pulling something from his wallet.

In a daze, Nick reached out and took the small picture. It was the kind of picture you got from a photobooth, back in eighties, one cut from a strip, Nick recognized the Captain, though he had never seen him look as happy and carefree.

It was the young man crushed up against Sean that took his breath away. The picture was a little faded, but not enough that Nick couldn’t see the image of his younger self. The boy in the picture could have been Nick’s twin.

“So now you know.” Sean’s voice was quiet.

Nick stood, stepped forward, intending to return the precious picture to its grieving owner, laid a hand on Sean’s arm.

So much unsaid, but he knew that somehow Sean’s family had come between them.

He laid his hand on Sean’s left, feeling the ring beneath his fingertips, “it’s all I have left of him.”

Nick’s free hand gently cupped the taller man’s cheek. “You don’t have to tell me.” He whispered.

“I trust you, more than all my family.” The younger man knew what his Captain was saying.

It was as though he had come home, he leaned closer, and Renard’s arms closed around him. A tear slid down the regnant’s cheek, and Nick’s thumb brushed it away, suddenly so many things were clear.

Sean looked down at his Nick, out of great grief he could feel joy begin to grow. His young Grimm reached up, pressed his lips to Sean’s. Something seemed to slip free at the back of his mind, and Sean leaned into the kiss, as Nick’s lips parted and he invited his soul mate in.

**Author's Note:**

> Sean wears a wedding ring. It has never been explained, so I gave him a past love, and a tragedy that his family caused. February is never a good month for me, this is something of a catharsis. It's a one shot for now, but if people like it, there could be more


End file.
